Audio By Carbonatix
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| Photo by George Martinez |
| 50. Girlfriendly PDA. (That’s for the “L” in PLUR.) |
If you’ve got ears, Ultra Music Festival is a pretty fun time.
But if you’ve also got eyes, it’s amaaaaaaaaazing.
Basically, this sprawling EDM fest is a phantasmagoric fun parade starring famous people, nearly naked ladies, the beefiest of beefcakes, the kandiest of ravers, and the most ridiculously costumed of party people — all spazzing out to uhntz-uhntz amid an LED landscape that’s exploding with fireworks, lasers, pyro, kryo, and confetti.
Look, gawk, or leer… Here are 50 things you see at Ultra Music Festival.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
49. A Guy With a Vagina in the Middle of His Chest
Accompanied by a female friend with a deep interest in this curious phenomenon.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
48. A Riff Raff Head on Lady Legs
Anyone else have recurring sweaty nightmares about exactly this thing?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
47. Bad Girls With Marijuana Boobs and “Fuck Me” Eyes
Congrats on some impressive glitter and rhinestone work. Ditto on the handpainted sunglasses.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
46. A Young Lady “Expressing Herself” Atop Her Boyfriends’ Shoulders
But, uh, which way is he facing?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
45. Ultra Hairdos
This kind of ‘do takes dedication. Look at the Manic Panic-ed mini-mohawk. And the intricate razor work on that logo. We’re too lazy to even get a regular haircut? Props, raver kid.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
44. Ultra Forehead Tattoos
At least it’s temporary. But when these things become permanent, ink-and-needle jobs, we just might begin to believe the doomsayers screaming at the UMF gates.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
43. Ultra Boob Decals
Nice work, miss, adorning your chest area without resorting to nipple pasties.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
42. Ultra Hand Signs
Bro … Don’t let any fans of The U see you doin’ that shit while strolling through downtown Miami.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
42. Ultra Kandi Masks
Looks good. But can you eat it?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
40. Molly
They finally found her. But what now?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
39. ¡Luchador Ravero!
No, hermano … We don’t wanna wrestle.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
38. Pills, Pills, Pills
But only on tank tops. Just say no.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
37. The Long-Sought Five-Armed Kandi Monster
Oh, wait … Is that just three bead-bedecked ravers mashed into a knot of flailing limbs? Fooled again.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
36. Human Tubing, Raver Rafting
Where there is no water, ride the rave.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
35. Dangerous Undergarments
Don’t trip and fall face-first into those things. You might scratch a cornea.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
34. Personalized Undergarments
Yes, those are their real names. Checked their driver’s licenses.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
33. Electrical Tape Undergarments
Run outta rave bottoms? Just tape ’em on!
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| Photo by George Martinez |
32. Children’s Undergarments
Way to raid your little brother’s panty drawer, bro.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
31. Undergarments From the Future
In 2069, the platinum standard for bustier comfort will be freezing nipples.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
30. Skrillex Levitating!
Dubstep is magic.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
29. OMG, a Fucking Tiger!
OK. Yeah. So maybe that’s a dog.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
28. Panicked Raver Chick
Relax … It’s a dog.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
27. A Rainbow Come to Life
He was born of light and mist. And now he’s descended to Earth to dance.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
26. A Kangaroo Who’s Traveled All the Way from Australia to Rave
How do you smuggle a full-grown marsupial aboard a transglobal commercial airliner? And keep it hidden for 18 hours?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
25. Poultry as Hats
That chicken looks superuncomfortable, bro.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
24. Shells as Bras
Nature’s solution for party-time breast support.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
23. Stickers as Shirts
Because if your nipples aren’t showing, then you aren’t topless.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
22. Flags as Blankies
Sweet dreams, you sleepy Danish raver.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
21. Paper Bags as Masks
Because they breathe better than plastic bags.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
20. Superhero Superfans
Comic-Con is that way, bros.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
19. Six Guy Fawkeses, All Certified Aerobics Instructors
Gunpowder, good times, and dancercise!
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
18. The Royal Family
Buckingham Palace is that way, bros.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
17. Steve Irwin Impersonators’ Annual Memorial EDM Convention
R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter. A “Krikey!” in your honor.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
16. Hair Metal Tribute Performers
The blowdryer’s that way, bros.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
15. Star-Spangled Speedos
The most patriotic way to stash your junk.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
14. Star-Spangled Bikinis
Oh, say can you C cup …
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
13. Star-Spangled Kandi
Fact: Both George Dubs and Tommie Jefferson wore one just like it. A grand American tradition.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
12. Star-Spangled Capes
For when you’re feeling like a human flagpole.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
11. Star-Spangled Overalls
With nothing underneath. Except a star-spangled speedo.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
10. Hand Hearts
Raver charades … The Asian cutie is flashing peace. The daisy girl represents love. The whole crowd is a symbol of unity. And the smiles are an expression of respect.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
9. More Hand Hearts
Two hands, one heart, and a gnarly beard.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
8. Even More Hand Hearts
Two hands, one heart, and a couple of nose rings.
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| Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez |
7. Too Many Hand Hearts
OK, guys. Can we give it a rest, please?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
6. Sarcastic Hand Hearts
Oh, touché.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
5. Afrojack Enjoying an Epic Moment
This is how those Dutch DJs build all that upper-body strength.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
4. Incredibly Tall Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment
Our mistake … He’s standing on something.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
3. Hardwell Enjoying an Epic Moment
Huh? What? How? Oh … No, bro. Not raining.
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| Photo by George Martinez |
2. Yet another Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment
Oh, we should turn around? They’re throwing peanuts from the stage?
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| Photo by George Martinez |
1. The End
Seriously … You can put your arms down now.
