Settling The Matter

About the “Chompians” thing below, here’s some photographic evidence. The copy at the NT office does say Chompians while mine says Champions. I wonder if the word play wasn’t unwittingly corrected during the printing process. I think the reason I don’t like the chomp play is because it’s way too…

Post Wins Pulp Headline Competition

The Sun-Sentinel went with the bland: “Champions.” The Miami Herald chose the rather obnoxious: “Gator Nation.” And the winner of the big fat snappy headline for the University of Florida’s win last night to take the national championship comes from the Palm Beach Post: “Gator Raid.” Clever, especially seeing how…

Sun-Sentinel Leaves Readers In The Dark

Tromper Today’s newspaper proves that the Sun-Sentinel is afraid to tell the truth. You certainly can’t find it in Marlene Naanes’ story about the shooting death of a 13-year-old boy, anyway. And it’s not Naanes’ fault — the reporting was 0bviously done and the editors decided not to tell the…

Go Gators

This Sight Still Makes Me Cringe Yeah, I never thought I’d write those words, but I’m feeling it right now for Monday’s matchup against Ohio State. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the Gator haters that David Fleshler wrote about in the Sun-Sentinel this morning (which includes some great…

Teen Killers Won’t Get Death

Miami Herald Ammons, Hooks, Daugherty I can’t say that I don’t agree with the Broward State Attorney’s Office just-announced decision not to seek the death penalty for the teens involved in the killing of the homeless man last year (see Nikki Waller’s story in the Miami Herald here). It’s not…

Pants Aflame

Those touchy-feely sports writers. Some of them write about games their entire careers and never grow up, trapped in a kiddie-land — with free buffets and sandwiches at stadiums stretching across the great expanse of America — forever. That’s the only way I can explain their disillusionment at the Nick…

Best Damn Movies of 2006

It’s official: Hollywood has run out of original ideas. If you thought 2006 was bad, just wait. In 2007, the studios will give up on birthing blockbusters and instead concentrate on cloning them, with sequel after sequel after sequel. Familiar titles will be followed by so many numbers that filmgoers…

Can You Hear Me, Adolf?

Sally Baldwin and her recently deceased sister, Annie Luther, have a message for humanity, and you might want to sit down for this one. They’re pleased to announce that Anne Frank has forgiven Adolf Hitler. Apparently, Anne Frank is just that understanding. Baldwin claims to communicate with the souls of…

The Story of O

A couple of California peace activists recently declared the Friday before Christmas — the winter solstice — as the first-ever Global Orgasm Day. Humans should concentrate on peace that day, they said, while doin’ the do. They should “effect a positive exchange in the energy field of the Earth through…

Culture Pooped

“Popularity is exhausting,” the late playwright, dilettante, raconteur Wilson Mizner once said. “The life of the party almost always ends up in the corner with an overcoat over him.” The principle of diminishing revelry returns might have applied here at Delux, though the brother of South Florida architect Addison (for…

Letters for January 4, 2007

Love Sponge Nation All the church-going Bubba fans are really upset: Unfortunately, after having read this article, it is clear that you have a few of your so-called “facts” a bit twisted and biased concerning Bubba the Love Sponge (“The Dirty Dozen of 2006,” December 28). First and foremost, Bubba…

Now It’s Starting to Make Sense

I thought the Miami Herald was a little quiet on the death of Michael Browning, a writer who was central to the newspaper’s identity for a couple of (its finest) decades. No tribute, no guestbook, just a repackaged obit written by Palm Beach Post reporter Scott Eyman. I encouraged the…

Riley Quits

It’s an “Only In South Florida” day, folks. The second professional coach has stepped down in the space of, oh, four hours. Pat Riley, who is one of the worst losers of all time (meaning that he’s very bad at losing), couldn’t take it anymore. He announced today that he’s…

More Moore

This just in, a copy of a public records request filed by the inimitable Elgin Jones of Broward Times fame. Looks like Fort Lauderdale Commissioner Carlton Moore has stepped in it one more time: —————————————————————— City Clerk and Commissioners, There reportedly was an incident that took place at the Himmarshee…

Say Bye To Saban

The Sun-Sentinel’s Alex Marvez is the first to report definitively that Nick “So Long” Saban is — surprise, surprise — leaving the Dolphins for the Crimson Tide. After lying about it for weeks, Saban’s final insult was standing up team owner H. Wayne Huizenga, who he was supposed to meet…

Bad Beginnings

I know it’s 2007, but it’s starting to feel a lot like 1994. It’s all those bullets flying I guess. News of babies and retirees being shot takes you back to the crime wave of the early 90s that started towards the end of another Bush’s stay in the White…

A Great One

Browning: 1948-2006 I can’t go another minute without a word about Michael Browning, a South Florida journalism giant — both literally and figuratively — who died on December 30 of liver failure at the age of 58. I enjoyed reading Browning, who was a stalwart of the Miami Herald’s Golden…

Spam Takes No Holiday

Yeah, he’s boring but … Eight work days with no Pulp. Came back to 1,200 spam messages. Spent the week with family, eating, drinking, trying to be merry, watching football, and dealing with the deaths of Gerald Ford and Saddam Hussein (ah, to be truthful, neither one had much affect…

Rock Out, Baby!

It Was Free Cuz I Stole It The year in unfair shares Now is a bad time to be a giant music corporation, but ethically challenged music fans couldn’t ask for better days. Bootlegging has always been about catering directly to the fans, and the Internet breeds the best bootleggers…

The Dirty Dozen of 2006

Another year, another milestone. Another moment to reflect on all the sneaks, cheats, felons, and freaks who help make Broward and Palm Beach the fabulous fricassee that it is. The New Times Dirty Dozen of 2006 includes a make-believe doctor with a taste for boobs, a nationally known talk-show smackdown…

Racism Central

A local website has become ground zero for hate in South Florida. It’s loaded, on an almost daily basis, with racist stereotypes, slurs, and sentimental references to slavery and lynchings. You can see it at this address: www.sun-sentinel.com. That’s right, our oh-so-proper daily newspaper of record, the politically correct Tribune…

Spare the Rod

“I can tell you’re not used to live entertainment. You’re the 17th worst crowd I’ve played to. I am the show. You are the audience.” Just about every entertainer fantasizes about delivering such a rant to inattentive audiences of ungrateful chit-chatters. But it was a half-pint Rod Stewart impersonator at…