Jose Canseco Tweeted Out That He’s Been Accused of Rape

Jose Canseco, batshit former MLB player, steroid a aficionado and noted time traveler, took to Twitter today to announce that he had been charged with rape. The first tweet read as Canseco breaking the news to his own rape accusation, which is all kinds of mettamoron: “Breaking news this is…

Boynton Beach Man Sexually Assaults Stripper, Police Say

An exotic dancer is recovering after suffering through a horrible series of events at the hands of a Boynton Beach man, police say. Thomas R. Fitzsimmons, 50, is accused of sexually assaulting the 39-year old stripper — whose name is being withheld — at gunpoint, while psychologically torturing her with…

Marissa Karp Case: Father Comes Home From Bahamas Disappointed

“It didn’t go the way it was supposed to.” That was the news from a clearly-disappointed Gary Karp about his trip last week to the Bahamas. After spending a decade squeezing out every tiny scrap of information possible in the still-unsolved murder of his daughter, Karp was hoping a Hail…

Florida Man Accused of Pimping

Earlier this week, trial began for a Broward couple who allegedly imprisoned wayward and young women, drugged them, and then forced them to work as prostitutes — under the constant threat of beatings. The accused 34-year-old ringleader, Mackenley Desire, who prosecutors say directed his 20-year-old wife, Genet Rembert, to beat…

Judge Orders New Trial for John Goodman

After weeks of anticipation, it looks like John Goodman is going to get another trial. The “polo mogul” — which, if you translate that into middle-class English, means rich dude with nothing better to do all day — wasn’t given a fair shake in his original courtroom appearance, a Palm…