Steal This Prose

Nazish Ahmad seemed a journalism wünderkind. Two years ago, at the tender age of 16, the pretty, smart, South Plantation High School student wrote a front-page story for the Miami Herald. She won coveted internships at South Florida’s two largest newspapers, the Herald and the Sun-Sentinel. And she recently took…

Tailpipe

The Mouths of Kids Next time your car disappears into an unfilled pothole or you raid the kids’ piggy bank to pay your real estate taxes, think of the $6.7 million the City of Fort Lauderdale wasted to police the demonstrators outside the Broward County Convention Center last weekend. The…

On Main Street, Part 1

South of the Fort Lauderdale Hollywood International Airport, an inconspicuous strip of asphalt branches off Federal Highway. It’s easy to drive past without blinking, but the placid, one-mile stretch bordered by the Dania Beach Cutoff Canal to the north and a warehouse district to the south warrants a second look…

Letters for June 9-15, 2005

Fourth Estate and Long Oh, guess FIU forgot about the goal: A day after the revelation of the identity of the secret “Deep Throat” Watergate source, I read Edmund Newton’s June 2 story about the Florida International University Journalism School, “Adios, Ink-Stained Vets,” with sadness and disappointment. I am a…

The Old Man and the Fish

A couple of hours before the Florida Marlins are to play the Colorado Rockies on a mild Friday evening at Dolphins Stadium, outfielder Juan Pierre stretches his hammy beside catcher Matt Treanor, himself mere minutes removed from watching TV in the clubhouse while pensively raking his goatee with a fork…

Summer’s Here, You Monkeys

Rose and Crown Pub and Eatery, 3680 W. Commercial Blvd., Fort Lauderdale.

Scarlett’s Cabaret, 2920 SW 30th Ave., Pembroke Park.

Porterhouse, 201 SW Second St, Fort Lauderdale.

Georgie’s Alibi, 2266 Wilton Dr., Wilton Manors.

Adios, Ink-Stained Vets

When J. Arthur Heise took over the journalism program at Florida International University in 1983, there were instructors who wouldn’t talk to each other, hopelessly scrambled student files, and a faculty that was often in open revolt. “The FIU provost told me that the department was ‘my single biggest academic…

Letters for June 2-8, 2005

He’s Not Cowed By the cabal’s double-dealing: Bob Norman’s work about Southwest Ranches was excellent (“Cash Cow,” March 24, and “Cash Cow 2,” May 26). He presented the facts truthfully. It appears he spent quite a bit of time and tried to present all sides. I am a member of…

Mr. Big Shot

This was a first for the two veteran fugitive trackers. Never had Miami-based FBI agent Paul Russell and Fort Lauderdale detective Chuck Morrow busted a crook in exclusive Colee Hammock, one of Fort Lauderdale’s priciest waterfront neighborhoods. But here they were, casing a new, $5 million estate, catercornered across the…

Condo Siege

Imagine owning waterfront property in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Imagine it’s worth four times what it cost five years ago. Most of us would kill for that rate of return. For several condominium residents, it’s killing them. “I may make a lot of money,” Lou Cioffi admits, “but I’ll be worse…

Cash Cow, Part 2

After years of unlawful secrecy, profiteering, and nepotism by the Town of Southwest Ranches, things are finally changing. But its 7,000-some citizens need not worry; they can still look forward to plenty of unlawful secrecy, profiteering, and nepotism from their little government in the future. After I wrote an investigative…

Tailpipe

Mutiny of the “Jeffsters” Police Lt. Jeff Marano, the Police Benevolent Association secretary and Teflon-tough cop who has been sued five times for excessive use of force, may finally be losing his grip at the Hollywood Police Department. For more than a decade, Marano, operating like a departmental ward heeler,…

Letters for May 26-June 2, 2005

Free Weekly Sarcastic? Cop Unhappy. But read the files, baby. It’s good stuff: I read the May 19 Tailpipe as well as Wyatt Olson’s May 5 story “Love & Loathing.” and I felt the story was flawed and that Tailpipe was sarcastic, to say the least. I was hired by…

Doctor’s Orders

The studio is crammed in the back corner of Tootsie’s Cabaret, a sprawling strip club near the Broward/Miami-Dade county line. The walls are painted pitch black. Leopard-print pillows cover two couches. Computers, microphones, web cameras, and cables are strewn throughout the small room. Windows allow club visitors to watch the…

A Work of Art

Usually, the Broward State Attorney’s Office employs comedy to clear public officials accused of corruption. Vaudevillian top prosecutor Michael Satz and his lovable gang of incredibly inept investigators tie themselves into human knots to do it. With the investigative instinct of Clouseau and a knack for misinterpreting the law, their…

Tailpipe

Slippery Business During its short year-and-a-half life, the Baja Beach Club in Fort Lauderdale’s Riverplace managed to rake in more than $2 million — a considerable amount of dough for a bar open only on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings. Now the spacious second-floor bar sits shuttered, with 37 people…

Dirty, Sandbagging Bastards

It’s sick, this game. From the perspective of the ten pins set at the end of the lane, which stand there like prisoners at full attention before a firing squad, the worst of it comes at a moment like this. Compact and intense, as if steam is going to shoot…

Letters for May 19-25, 2005

Bad Best Nice? You call him nice? Regarding your May 12 Best of Broward-Palm Beach issue: Andy Wagner for Best FM Radio Personality? A very nice guy, and great voice, but… get serious! You might as well have given the award to the guy writing up his liner cards. Joe…

Tailpipe

Hey, all you dudes and dudettes. That rollicking road show, the Anti-Abortion Media Circus, may be coming to a town near you. Tailpipe’s talking about West Palm Beach, where a suspicious nighttime fire on the Fourth of July has forced the closure of the Presidential Women’s Center. Think about it…

Foos These Mortals Be

Pembroke Pines foosball pro Adam Horowitz has a finishing move as cold and effective as a shiv to the ribs. It’s a recent Friday-night tournament, and the diminutive, bespectacled Everglades High School literature teacher skillfully controls the frenetic little soccer ball, tapping it back and forth in the trough between…

Tailpipe

Trash Talk Osvaldo Ciedi has a sweet spot — a nine-acre tract way out west on Davie Road, complete with a house, a pool, a lake, and acre after acre of farmland. Since 1994, the tall, lean, 64-year-old Argentinean has operated his Maybe Davie Farms from this location, growing palms…

Doppelbänger

“I would fuck myself,” Joe said. Then the Ben Stiller-getic 26-year-old smoking a stogie at a table in front of Tarpon Bend last Saturday night explained: “I’m a good catch, I guess. I have a head on my shoulders. I’m young. I’m eligible.” Joe, who was wearing a sensible, short-sleeved,…